windthread

different

i'd loaded this pic early this morning,    6 something because again,  Internet is ify.   I'd imagined some things i might say.  It's Jenny's favorite vine that climbs from the base of the Scrub Oak at B.    and here.....here....we see.....2 blossoms this year.

 

and it is/was  Trust Time at 7oclock.   so i sat quietly    waiting .   7 Oclock.    the 5 minutes turned out to be 24.   

at the end,  i took up the pen and wrote on the stenographer's pad...Trust.   

Trust.  That i will have what it takes to love well.

What did that mean?,  to love well?  and without thought,  i wrote

to Trust.   

so  it began and circled around.    And i went into the day which was kinder,  heat wise but i had so little battery power because of circumstance and i'd miscalculated and was out of dog food and had to go take care of that and then late afternoon that horrible BLEATing sound from the phone which only had 27% left....FIRE.    It was 6 miles away and i called Jenny who had just gotten off from work to be sure she was aware.   Alyssia was on the road,  back from a medical appointment in Sacramento.   Jenny called back.   Could i  get the Goats into their Evac Spaces?  that she and her man were on their way.?    Yes and i did.   it took 28 minutes and then i began gathering Stuff to put in the vehicle.  whose name now is Friend.   to put in Friend.   and the reality is that it wasn't much.   I don't have any energy left  to  talk about it.   But it wasn't much at all.  I piled it on the bed.   Surprised.

but it was the best i could do. 

But all the while i thought about  Trust.   and what i know it is is that i Trust that we will do the best we can.   I Trust too,  in all of you,   in US ,  who i have somehow managed to come to know....that You All too,  do the best you can.   That the Whole of Us do the best we can and I Trust in that.

 

too far

as you can imagine.   they took things too far.    my housemates.    This isn't the worst of it.   That,  the worst of it,   has been taking place in the Table Window.    and in the Altar Window behind me.  A few weeks ago,  Emrie asked if i'd named them,

no,  so....she said the Table Window one was Sam,  the Altar Window,  Birdie.   Sam and Birdie.   They had become very active.  Maybe it's the heat?   They live on flies that get caught and there aren't often flies to catch.  i swat them.    Last couple weeks there was a challenger in Sam' s window.    I spend considerable time watching them.    the new one,  younger,  could have been an adult child,  (where had it been?)  mostly stayed to the left bottom but would foray up and over and they would spar.  Young one would retreat.   All along i kept thinking that i needed to sweep the webs out.   They always run and then just begin again.  Takes a while to get to this point.   But i saw in the morning light that Sam had extended her space to include the thread cone that i'd left on the table.   Guy line.   What would be next?   So....off they went,  captured in the jelly jar with tarot card atop,  out the door.  All of them.  Took a while...they are good at getting away.   i say that i'll catch any newcomers right away from now on,  while they're little.    Before i get to know them.   Cellar Spiders only have a 2 year lifespan.  Ordinarily keep to themselves.   It's probably the heat.  

 

 

 

Trust Time tomorrow, Thursday 7am PACIFIC time

temple of Earth and Sky

had begun this Cloth in February...went back to look...couldn't remember.   February.   and it was one of 3 most important for a while but then i'd set it aside.   Under things.   gone quiet.    still.    

Sometimes i see the things i make as so BeautyFULL...not anything to do with me,  my making,  but THEM...how they have come together,  cloth with cloth,  directing me to put things there,  stitch in.   it's Them.   and if i wait awhile i am so surprised at how just NOT they are....sometimes....and so i haven't looked at this one for a long while but today

there IS Beauty and there IS the saying of how things ARE,.....that  Intelligence of the Universe....seeking 

and i am found and listening  and it was so hot,  over 102 degrees  again    and i stitched through it until the release and i went to Give Water.

peace

 

no matter.   no matter the day....the doings or the thoughts,   at the end of it,   there,  in the Garden for giving Water,  there is Peace.

i squat,  holding the hose.  Water flowing on and into  the heated earth....there is a smell.    particular to these days of more than 100 degrees.   a smell of the word   Fecund.   And this is gross,  but true.   I flashed on memory of the smell of Kotex pads.  Soaked in menstrual blood....that you folded and wrapped in some toilet paper and shamefully,  placed in the waste basket.

that smell.   

heated.   warm enough for anything,  for   Life.    I haven't thought of Kotex pads in maybe more than 60 years.  But it is distinct.  the smell.  and  the Garden,  at the end of these days....somehow similar.  ?????      i want to linger here.

menstruation.   Someday,  Emrie will menstruate.  Will get her "bleed".   Will smell like this Garden.  

 

imagination

when did it get lost?   Did it?   Why don't i know?   Why hadn't i noticed and at least wondered?   ??????????????????????????????????

Here.   this Hill.   arriving into a Magical Place.   From a Place of Love,  but simplicity.   a small life  with    the backdrop  of the Rim of the World.   Here,  such Beauty and so   FULL.    ?????   

Thoughts flow and threads move out,  following a pulse that draws them,  connecting.   calls the connecting.   CatherinE   gives the pulse ....of the podcast   Between the Covers   Tin House   Crafting with Ursula   Adrienne Maree Brown on Social Justice and Science Fiction.   where she talks about Imagination...and i suddenly see so many things.   There is this

Opening

i have no idea what all this is i am trying to think...but it IS and there is this 

Opening

 drawing is from 2017,  a month before i left to come here

overnight,  the Malabar GREW     2 inches

Jenny and her man came.  The Goat Boat is reconfigured.  We are

Ready,  or,  more Ready than ever before.   

One more day of 100 something and then back...back into the balmy 90's.  

slow down.

 

waking to a hyper awareness.    let that sift through.  drink tea.   Feed  sentient beings.   Feed self.

a phone call,   and in the uncommon ness of Voice to Voice....Voice with Voice....i almost forgot.   for that time,   but then,  as the temperature rose to 102 there was remembering.    

i need to slow down,  breathe.  Look closely and slowly and with CARE.   I need,  no,  Want... to... imagine how things might change In My Lifetime...how i might imagine responding,  creatively and with Love to those changes.  and to begin to imagine realistically....Realistically....a part i can play 

that is of  Use.

above.   the Malabar Spinach.   There are 6 plants!    SIX!   I am not a good gardener but i am an AVID gardener who Could become good with some self discipline?      Growing Food.   FOOD.  Malabar makes it easy to keep seed.   Do that.  and almost as anecdotal,  they mention how the flesh of the fruit around the seed can  "stain" clothing....to take care....purple....and i grinned, thinking 

Marti

and how things go:   the last On Being podcast....per request from "younger listeners",  conversation with Adrienne Maree Brown who identifies herself as......one of Octavia's Brood.    wouldn't you know.  ? .

today i ordered Parable of the Talents and   Brown's book....Emergent Strategy.   

John Lewis talked of good trouble.   i think....it's time for Good Work.   however we each can identify that in our lives.  Time for Trust.   and Good Work.

 

sex ....... addendum 10:42 p.m.

 

 

Roe V Wade    the  "supreme" court of the land.   women.  children.  human kind in these united states of america.   Quality of Life.   Love...how much can love give.  what IS love,  all the kinds of it.  and on and on and on.

i saw this on FaceBook

"If every time men had sex,  they risked death,  physical disability, social shunning, a life altering interruption of their education or career,  and the sudden life-long responsibility for another being,  i think they'd expect a choice in the matter."

and all day i thought about this.  Sex.  it's primal. and here,  i'm talking about Binary Sex where there is a sperm and an ova.   We "have sex" for a lot of reasons.   Primarily originally because it FEELS GOOD.  Because we LIKE IT.   Then from there,  we "have sex" for a variety of reasons.  To please the other that we care about,  to sooth an Other,  to "keep" an Other.  Sometimes to keep our selves from being hurt,  sometimes to

keep others from being hurt.  sometimes out of confusion.  sometimes because we are too young to  know how to refuse.  it goes on and on.    I think it's rare,  or,  not common,  by percentage,   that  we  have sex because we want to conceive   another human being and that sentence:

"...the sudden life-long responsibility for another being"

Thing is,   "having sex"  which takes so little TIME,   translates into LifeTimes.  For a Mother  for a Child

and today,   5 men and one privileged ignorant white woman RULED.   set a LAW inplace.   And  we allow this.   

 

the pic above.   This hasn't happened before.  Usually,  there is one single  
go round for the Pomegranate in one season of each year.  But...here today,   She tries again...?.....?

what is my part to play?   all i could do this evening is give her Deep Water  and Witnessing

 

ADDEnDum:   CatherinE....gemtactics.net/wordpress

 

asian pear 5th year

still....no deer

on Solstice She let go

just past B Garden,  just on the side of this little meadow where Old Cowboy's Mother's rocking chair,  lawn chair is that holds his box of stuff...his slippers,  teeth,  glasses.    Alyssia had to move branches to drive up.   Maybe 70ft.  at least.

i heard it.   was just waking,  First Light,   i thought it was closer and i looked but couldn't see.  Thought maybe i dreamed it.  But i heard the sound of it ripping off.   

 

right at Earth.   a just Letting Go.   For maybe a hundred years,  Vertical and then...just Letting Go.   

 

the Feeling of it

 

Tomorrow is Thursday again.   Trust Time.    and where i've come in these 6 days....about Trust.....is simple in a way,  but in a way so not.   What i think i can Trust:   Everything seems to hang in a balance of 50/50.  the degrees over can change the game.  In these days now.    and i can Trust that there are enough on "my" 50 side to

hold

so far.

and that part of my Trusting is that i am constant in my effort to be     Kind.   to be   Genuine.   to share kindness and a Real as i move in this world.  At every opportunity.  so that the other 50% can feel it and be touched by it.   To feel the good of kindness and Real,  how it can soften Fear.   Small ways like when i set out tomorrow morning as early as i possibly can...to make my way to the Dollar Store and then Lakeside Grocery.   To say...no...you go first....to smile behind the mask....to exchange any words that create a real exchange of human ness.,  goodwill.   to Grow my 50%.   This is a clumsy effort to give words to a lot of thought but it's all i've got.  it's Hot.   And i thought about how we made such effort to eradicate  indigenous people from this continent but it didn't prevail.   They held on.  And today,  teach their languages to the young.  Teach pride.  Deb Haaland is Secretary of the Interior.  Love that term...the Interior...a native woman,  Secretary of the Interior,  i smile.... but then,  there is the Decision from the Supreme Court...these words seeming fake....Supreme Court...story like....but they will decide.   because it's what we agree to...a  "Supreme"   Court...  And then...we have a Committee to investigate Lying.   at greatlength.  Emrie is learning about lying.  she is 4.   but we have a Committee.  a country of adults...has a committee.   ok.   what can i do.   what can i do to sustain the balance?   to allow it to hold,   that we don't fall into that world of Octavia Butler's  premonition .     today would be her birthday.  75 years old.   Dee told me that.