this is a Journal, right? this blog? that began as a cloth journal years ago and then slowly just became a life journal. because cloth turned out to be Life.
Metta. many of us know Metta. and how it begins....May you be safe.
i don't know where i am. where this is going. if anywhere beyond watching the letters appear infront of me on this screen
i don't know why i am saying these things. I know that tomorrow is the funeral for a young man. another one. that his death is refeerred to in the news as "the incident". We call it the incident. his death. he is dead. i know his mother is RowVaugn Wells. i listen to her, watch her face, every chance i get because i feel it's the least i can do, to listen to her. See her grief, her brokenness. Tomorrow, his funeral, that was referred to on some news as what has become a "national ritual". And everywhere people are saying things but i heard one thing that is Enough. No more is worth saying. Paul Butler, law professor at Georgetown University said "and president Biden called this case a test of whether we are the country we say we are. At this moment, we're the country where an american citizen guilty of no more than a traffic violation, was tortured and killed on public streets by agents of the government".
i think. Julian, my greatgrandson, Emrie's brother, Alyssia's son. An Introvert. Awkward physically. 13 and a half. a man size boy. genetics of black, white, PuertoRican but who would be identified on any incident report as black. were he to be pulled from any vehicle, would
flail.
which would be interpreted.
so, there's that. and then, working through the last several days, that thing of Safe. When all was happening and when it was unclear how it could stop. i suddenly thought of domestic abuse. of community violence. What if you can't feel safe, let alone BE safe? What if as yet there are no broken bones, no blood wounds, just abuse and fear and the sense of imminent Something and the inability to think of a way to make it stop. What if that's your life?
my guess is that all or almost all who read here are safe. What do those of us then DO? for the not Safe? For those 3 days, i felt what it was to not know what to do. only 3 days. but they have taken a toll. What if that was....life? what if i was a child?
Yesterday i sat with Ferns, thinking these things, but wanting just to see Ferns. Talk about ferns. but i have no
happy face
to put on in the moment. And maybe i should just be quiet for how long it takes to find some balance. or maybe just put what gets put here and let it be what it is .
the Spiral above is the last for "my" blanket. there are enough. it's the Spiral of gentle day. those words from Cynthia. Amidst it all. for all the people, for all beings of all kinds, for the planet its Self, gentle day. or, maybe just some gentle moments.
