windthread

company

my brother and his youngest son,  Elija   16.  From Minnesota.  They flew  to Reno, Nevada, rented a Tesla and drove...arriving at an air bnb last night.   Arrived here this morning.   Stayed till around 2 then set out for the Pacific Ocean, the city of Eureka where they will stay in an air BnB on a large cannabis farm.   Look for whales.  drive back.  Sunday.  May or may not stop here.   The highlight for Elija is the Tesla...driving one.   His dream is to have one.   Not sure about my brother,  he likes everything.  He's seven years younger than me.   They are reading the menu options for Sub sandwiches from down at Lakeside Market that Alyssia picked up and brought.    We are the same as we ever were.  Same free associative conversations.   I enjoyed Elija tho,  like Julian,  is a man of few words.   Maybe all 14 and 16 year old boys are.   or,  a lot of them.    I talk to my brother probably every month or so on phone.   Him being here  "in person"  didn't make a huge difference....i was able to see that he is old,   it's been maybe 9 years since last time in New Mex?....but it was interesting,   that the in person really isn't so important.   I thought of that,    when we talk about each other,   Us online family,   that in person is different,  but really,  it isn't.   not so as important as we might think it is or imagine it is.,  or tell ourselves it is.   We are as Real as we were today.  and in many ways,   You know me more.

just as Beauty Full this way

Inktense. Finally.

 

i love it when i see that i've dated things.   This was 11/8/2015      This is the first time i feel like i need them.

again

it was perfect that i couldn't give this words last eve.    i have realized over this time that i want to go very slowly with this.  Last night i might have been prone to  "interpreting" what i was or thought i was seeing.   It's too soon.   I need to wait.   Sit with it,  let it speak as it will.    I  can,  continue with trying to draw the creek,  flowing water.    Go on with the old log that was over the creek that i used to lie on...on my stomach,   face over the edge,  for hours,   watching how with just the slightest shift in my attention i was able to see so many levels of the creeks life....from the surface,  reflecting light,  with water striders spinning,  creating  circular ripples and down on to the bottom where the caddis fly nymphs in their glorious creations moved .   

I can say a few things.    this began as all these drawings are,   with the oval of a face.   i never know who the face might be or why it is appearing.   it goes from there.   This one was for sure me.   not just "a" child,  but me,  i could feel it.     and then the Tshirt got the stripes...Yes.  Me.   That Tshirt that i wore almost constantly as much as i was allowed.....the stripes the colors of my most prized  shooter  marble.   And there i was.    The other figure....coming as a complete surprise.   I don't know what to say about this and really,  dont want to say anything much at all at this point,   but i can say....this is my sister.   Sharon.   She died,   by drowning,   when i was 7 years old,  she  15.   I have certain  Facts   about her but i have and have never had    ANY  sense of who we were before she died.   this is abnormal.
But i immediately know the figure to be her.   I see at first the gesture of the hand as wanting to touch.   and so that urge to correct it,  but then   no.   the hand is holding something.   
So this is enough for now.   I will continue with the water,   the log over the creek,  maybe that ancient Willow Tree that this place of the planet belonged to.   

 

 

 

 

 

Sister

batteries Very low but this needs to be here as a Journal Page.

war and no war

Timothy pellets.   They used to get Alfalfa pellets.   But the two wethers became two years old and it is no longer safe to feed Alfalfa as it can cause urinary tract issues in wethers and bucks.   And since they run with the Doe s......      The first day or two of the switch there was hesitation but as it turned out,   it's the SOUND of the pellets tinkling into their food bowls that they love.  They have 3 bowls in the corridor.  Evening feed i close off the corridor until i get the pellets into the bowls to avoid being run over by exhuberent Goats.  Open the gate and they flood in.   Pushing, shoving,  maneuvering for position.   Every day.  7 qts.  Each bag of pellets is 50lbs.   6 bags fills this bin.  

 

 

three string bale of Timothy Hay.  Also used to be Alfalfa.    each bale 100 lbs.   We used to use Old Cowboy's truck for these and get at least 4 at a time.   No longer can,  is not Emissions compliant in California.    Alyssia can bring 2 bales at a time in the back of her SUV.  More frequent,  less convient.   This,  both morning and evening.   Mornings the most,  evening to compliment the pellets.   Like clockwork,  well...actually,   ClockWork.   Between 9 and 10 am  then between 5 and 6  pm.  Every day.

E v e r y    D a y.   They browse this Hill,   6 acres of vegetation,  dried leaves,  twigs,   seasonal,  this time of year being more scarce.   In spring and early summer,  their hay lightenes up.   But the times never change.   They are Here.   Right outside here. Staring,  talking,   waiting.   Relying.   Relying for a sense of All is Well.   Every day.   No matter where on this planet you live.  This is how it is.   Goats, Chickens.   Every day.   Same time,  same station.   Except during war.

 

 

 

Keeping Quiet Pablo Neruda

Now we will count to twelve  and we will all keep still for once on the face of the earth, let's not speak in any language, let's stop for a second,  and not move our arms so much.

It would be an exotic moment without rush,  without engines we would all be together in a sudden strangeness.

Fishermen in the cold sea would not harm whales and the man gathering salt would look at his hurt hands.

Those who  prepare green wars, wars with gas,  wars with fire,   victories with no  survivors,  would put on clean clothes and walk about with their brothers in the shade,  doing nothing.

What I want should not be confused with total inactivity.  Life is what it is about,   I want no truck with  death.

If we were not so single-minded about keeping our lives moving,  and for once could do nothing,  perhaps a huge silence might interrupt  this sadness of never understanding ourselves and of threatening ourselves with death.

Perhaps the earth can teach us as when everything seems dead and later proves to be alive.

Now I'll count up to twelve and you keep quiet    and I will go.

 

Via FaceBook  Wild Revolution  Deja Hu

 

her

 

you are trying to take a photograph of the wood.   She.    If you are ever tryng to take a photograph of her,    almost always,  not.
She doesn't budge.  Cat.

laundry. how it is. now.

 

the cycles take too long.   Minnow is back here,  in the kennel.    at some point,  i'll  take her.   But i didn't  today   so i left with wet things .  So we do it this way.     today they are dry.

not known until they are

there will be more.    

i wanted to keep going but stopped.   After what's next appears,   there is the urge to continue.  But that is with the Conscious mind and  acts to silence the unconscious   flow of  "knowing".   I loved so much how there is the presence of Tay with Minnow.  Just the vaguest suggestion but i instantly understood it as Tay's presence.    and the words from Lizard....

How it WAS does not apply

this is  Key to what all is going on here  in this time of Fertile Void.    And what the drawing of these things brings....the understanding of how much i loved those words,  that construct,  Fertile Void that Wendy gave me at our Gathering at the Well,   but was unaware of how  to       Experience         that....so,   the lostness of the last days,  the wanting of something,   anything to break the sense of lostness.  Being unable to until this drawing that shows a beginning of a way forward    the words  How it WAS does not apply....letting me trust in the not knowing,  let it unfold 

and why Lizard?   maybe because of how much i love them,   their tenuousness in all moments,  all singular moments being All They Have and how they play into those singular moments with such abandon...i trust them,  i trust anything that  "comes through" as  message from them    ?  

it was a great day.   beginning this way then on into  part one of   making  Tortilla Soup and hanging the still wet laundry on the clothes line,  the pants on Sunny Ray's fence.   The heat broke.   instead of 90 it was 70.    I've decided to just use the word

pray

so i can say,   i prayed for  and to    All of Us on this planet,  in our unknowing confusion and war making  to  just

stop