windthread

i am here.

ok.

standing just at the gateway to the expanse of Radical Acceptance.   I see that it is vast.  That things come into focus and then fade,  only to return in a different way.   I know only that I have a limited understanding of how things work here.  I know that i can learn.  I know that i WANT to learn.    I've brought my Stuff with me.  Love  Hope  Fear  .   They need to be left outside.  I can come back to them any time.    As many times as i need to.             This is how i  imagine it.    

i don't know if anything else will go onto this page.   There's that vague line of landscape   and on the right,   rain,  Sky Water.   i also see a very large close Sun on the left.  maybe that.   maybe that with the inktense pencils.  

and along with this i'm reading   The Future We Choose     The Stubborn Optimist's Guide to the Climate Crisis        Christiana   Figueres and Tom Rivett~Carnac           Ok.   

gone

the longest i've ever left it.    For days....a few weeks,   i think...today.   But then i didn't.   Today i did.

there are some people who like spiders.   a lot who don't,  really,   who are creeped out by them.   How they have so many legs,  go so fast,  are sneaky...hiding then popping out

These Cellar spiders,  there are two,  have worked diligently to construct this elaborate world   Day after day.  Housemates.    and i think,   a bad choice on their part....not much to eat in here for all this work.   An occasional fly.   Some very small night flying insects that are drawn to the lamp light.    OutSide would be much better.   I try to catch them with  the jelly jar glass and  post card method so i can send them outside,  but they elude me.   So...finally,  today.  The broom.   Gone.   They ran up into the blinds.   Tomorrow theyll begin again.   Their lifespan is 2 years.

Decor

2023   The new little space heater .    Over there ....directly in my line of vision from my spot at the Table.   It's black and......

red

disruptive to the odd Aesthetics   here but it works.  Cuts the edge of the morning cold.   Works on the small 1 lb propane cylinders .     

i looked up at the corner shelf of stuff overhead and saw this cloth...Deb Lacativa damask

 

this makes me smile.   Tell self...it's only for a few months.        

return to go forward

back to that drawing...11~24.....when i wondered who would i draw now?   How would the woman be different?   What's after

Agency

Where is she?    and today this little cloth surfaced and i thought....like this,  maybe.     An     Awareness.   Just PART OF.    No longer any urge to be Singular,   but the interest is in being PART OF.   and         integral.   

and yesterday's today became Today

i'll leave it again with no picture.

what i want to say here is difficult because i need to say it with so few words.   But i also want to say it.  So,  i'll just try.

Yesterday when i arrived at Alyssia''s,    Jenny was just outside there and said....How was your meeting?

but then immediately    corrected to     i know it's not a meeting,   How was your Group?   and i said something like,  Intense and very Beauty Full   and she was still "there",  indicating,    waiting   if there was more,  and i said     my offering for the day was how i'd been thinking about  Love.   About Love as a verb.   How i say Love Love and  then more,   I love you   and what does that MEAN?   to those i say it to and what does that mean  really,  to me?   and she was still looking at me.....so i went on and said.....i used You as an example,   saying something about how i have never figured out a way to love you,  or, ........ express love     that i think you are comfortable with,     and at that point the kids  burst upon the scene and  we went on into the house

and     i thought...uh~oh       and then the day went on so Well.    and there was less of    ummmmm,   the edgy humor  that usually is present,   and NO what we refer to as Sub Text to the exchanges  and it was such a Good Good Day

and then..........today.   They came to finish up the immediate things needing to be done in preparation for the Rain Season.  Brought more bedding straw and put it in the Rain House.   We talked it through and decided to bring the other calf hutch that was Sunny Ray's out and find a place for it in case there was a Goat needing shelter....OOna probably             and she looked at the Thing that's going on with Oona's  udder and butt hole  which is a typical End Time thing  occurring with old  doe Goats.  How do we want to deal with this  and the conversation was Easy and Long and Slow and Gentle.   She is pragmatic by nature but it was Easy and Long and Slow and Gentle  and....when she called me to look at something,  she called me MOM and not Graaaaace.    

and this is what i want to say

if this were a perfect world in the way i might imagine it could be

there would be a World Wide Group Therapy.   We would meet,  ALL OF US,  in our own little communities,  but somehow also World Wide.   on one day.   every two weeks.   When we would be our most authentic selves....no fear.  trusting.   and Wendy would facilitate.   and just that.   just that.   could bring about change....where we all could become more easy and long and slow  and gentle.      and it would ripple out    become many things.    This i Wish today

 

 

today

 no picture.

it went fast.

woke at 5 am for the Gathering at the Well.   After which i left for Alyssia's for our DINNER....We COOKED  and were just Who We  Are.    It was

a

very good day.    home.   in time to feed Goats.   before dark.           Enough.    2023

 

nearing the completion of the 77th

was looking for something i could not identify,  just needed to look.   and saw how many times i have repeated this figure,  this Energy over years and maybe those words...claiming agency say it best.    and i saw and Felt       how i don't have the urge to continue.   I wondered....who......would i draw now?   how would the woman be different?    There wasn't enough time to think about this today and not tomorrow either.  But i look forward to asking the question again and see what the answer might be.  There are just some few days left of  77.   

cooking in the dark

today was pie day.   Apple.   It's interesting,   no electricity.   which ordinarily doesn't matter much at all  because you are used to it.   but then...when you are making a lattice top for a PIE ,   for the Saturday Dinner,    and you need to see.....

but it's all ok    and just......ok.  Pie gets done.

asking a Plant again

April.   according to both the Calendar and the archives here.   i discovered the healing of the thing i have going on with my toes....which has become a painful winter season challenge to both body and Spirit.   For a couple months ?  I think?   i used the leaves twice a day as poultice  and the toes healed completely.   Became again,  just regular old toes and i quit.   Not noting in either place when that was.   Went on a while using the herbal salve from the woman i found in Paradise,  but  though it has everything else,  no plantain.  And Gum Weed oil. at her suggestion,    and then quit that.     All has been well until out of the blue...the other day....it all was THERE again.   I remembered seeing those green green very healthy plants down by the creek....i think i said something about that here???   They are mature.  Not the spring plants of B Garden  i'd used and i wondered how they might be for learning to make my own salve but never went forward with that.   So on the way back from town today,  these leaves.   Will try them as poultice again.    There's a ton of info on YouTube about making the salve.   Time to learn.   Like some other things.  Time to learn.