windthread

a complete surprise

  

all i was intending to do was to stitch  down the Worm.   It went from there.   Of its own accord.   It wanted to Honor Worms and their Joy.   but began with those two plain scraps,  tho one was of Deb Lacativa,  but a pale Deb Lacativa  with a thrift store scrap of a cotton dress from who knows when ago.  An odd shape.     But i was waiting for the hot water to heat and i continued with the butterflies and then...the urge to find a backing....and i found possibilities and rinsed them,  hung them outside to dry on the Cloth Line and washed my hair.   Went to get them off the line and it just didn't stop till

here.

not one back cloth,  but two.   I've never done this before.   There was no question.  Both.   For     Worms.   Their Joy.   But then also on to me....the  Joy of this Cloth.   me and Them,  this Cloth.

found

my Magic Diaries Cloth.   It was surprisingly small,  folded.  Heavy but small.   it's about 6ft X 3ft something.

incredibly faded.   i'd not remembered it this way.   I dyed this raw silk  or silk noil  in Glennis' Colorhue workshop.  Was a wonderFull   pale payne's  grey/slate blue.   Then,   Ten years on the wall of the Room in New Mexico.  SUN.    At the top, center,  under the arc of Crows is the Cloth Jude sent me from Patchwork Beasts,   the place of Honor around which i made my way.

 

i hung it out late in the day.  Tomorrow will sit with it.   Feel it.  Feel what Was then and what is now.    What i am proud of tho,  right away,  is this lower left...a Good and True rendition of my Gate there,  my BeautyFULL  New Mexico Gate.   That piece of wood  is down at B Garden in the Scrub Oak that presides.   Have been looking at it recently.   loved seeing it here.  Had not remembered that.   and that Rock...too big to bring,   but i see today,  here in spirit.  Here in cloth.

and i see how much the kantha is so much like the bark of these Oak

to say......

just in the last couple days i got emails from Maria in Belgium and Tina,  both the most Loving Hearts possible:   They cannot comment here anymore.   This is so sad to me.   We are all so much more when All of Us are present....and i know how it feels to want to be present and be unable to do that....i am so so sorry it's  this way.  I am trying to understand what to do.   

Thank you for letting me know,  Maria.....i miss you.

the latest podcast,  On Being  with Sharon Salzberg

how all things are Present inSide the Fire

in a comment 9~23    hermosa said:

"we who live in a fire based ecology are bettered if we come to terms with fire,  a holy element.  For some it is Water, for some it is Wind,  here we are in Fire's domain.  Yes, it can get dangerous  (like deep strong water)   All of us live along side the supreme elements....May we all take heart,  stay well and strong.  Holding on."

so in all those preceding days of not acknowledging this image of Fire...i chose not to look.    I look today.  Closely.  

i think this must be  Kaffe Fassett?   it was gifted quite a longtime ago.  

i would not have paired the two words....ecology~Fire.  I google  Ecology and the most simple sentence:  "the branch of biology that deals with the relations of organisms to one another and their physical surroundings."   i love hermosa's words...fire being a holy element  which i have always "known" but never Known  and still...do not truly know.  I suddenly in these days,  SEE how Fire is shaping us,  Teaching us what can help Us survive....if we choose to learn.

 

maybe the longest day Ever

i can't remember a moment that was as physically,  emotionally and of Spirit   exhausting.   

as i said...it began at 11 am with some thread of mucus.   She didn't go with the Herd when they set out for the morning,  but stood in the road and called softly off into the Forest.   She then went to the Kidding House we built...on her own and lay there a bit but when i went back out moments later,  she'd gone into the Doe Goat  Shelter....pic of yesterday.   I leaned on the wall and watched her.   To be sure.   After a couple hours Messaged  Alyssia and Jenny to say i was pretty sure we were ON.   Alyssia and the kids arrived.   Late afternoon Jenny after work.  We settled in.   Evening went on and there were small signs of progress.  We practiced how we could Be,  a 10 year old,  2 and 1/2 year old,  3 women,  a no longer young Doe Goat,  a nosy chicken and anxious Dog and a closely watching cat.   it went ON.    I am too tired for details but it wasn't till about 11:30 pm that Emrie melted down and asked to go into the   house  to OUSCH Nana's bed.  We went and soon she crashed leaving Jenny,  Alyssia and Julian Out There.  Julian didn't come back.  I was surprised.      Somewhere at almost midnight there was That CRY....piercing and loud   and i thought GOOD,  finally we've  done   it ,  but then time passed  and there were more cries.   Too Many.

Jenny Called  (isn't that amazing?  a phone call from feet away)  to say come out here,  i said then send Julian in.  I woudn't leave Emrie alone.    Jenny said never mind....there are concerns.  It's ok.   So i sat in dark silence except for Caroline's Cries.

I am too tired for the details tho the Details are important to record here....The kid was not positioned for birth.   Jenny ended up needing to put her hand in and reposition  while Alyssia  held Caroline UP to relieve the pressure...Julian was the flashlight.

Somewhere around  midnight  Alyssia came and put on Emries boots and carried her out.   I  told Tay to STAY and followed and there,   2 Goats.   New Born   STANDING.    STANDING.   emitting the tiniest small wibbly cries of BEING.   

 

 

we dried them off while Caroline licked them into Life.    They were ALIVE  and WHOLE  and so READY.

 

Caroline was someWhere Else....making small sounds,  standing there,  as she had stood for the last 14 hours

 

it's done.   Birth.  Two Perfect Bucklings.   Beauty FULL in all ways.    A Doe Goat,  who trusted us and STOOD.

Jenny stayed till 4.   She had to be at work at 7am.   Alyssia left soon after and i sat there,  out   in that Kidding House that we had built.   Sat on the Earth,  atop the wool  Web that Lace Lady had sent so long ago.  On my body,  a cotton shirt covered with an old wool  sweater, and then a cotton jacket that Jenny found me at goodwill and then all covered with an old WOOL blanket pulled in tight around my legs and feet and i sat there on the earth and listened and watched to be sure that things were ok and i sat there on into Dawn and then beyond.   To try to be sure that things were ok.

a day of Feelings

i'd thought the rhubarb didn't make it.   I couldn't see the ID thingy anywhere and neither the little plant.   All through the months since September.   But today....the ID was turned sideways,  just a thin line of it under some overgrown grasses.  Rhubarb.

 

There are 3 of these,  maybe a few inches over a foot tall?    Does anyone know what they are?  Volunteers.  BEAUTYFULL plants

 

The second try at a Fig.   That first one...the root system eaten to a nub by the Whatevers that burrow in the grassy hillside at A.  This has 4 branches.   All with leaves...this branch the fewest leaves but.....!!!   a FIG.

 

Madder.  Grown from seed last year.   Robust and established now.

 

Plumcot...Apricot/Plum.   Both it and the Asian Pear are  FULL of blossoms and have recovered the carnage by the deer last summer.   This will be their 3rd year.   If it's like where i've lived before,  the first year is when the tree decides to live or die.  The second,  to establish the root system.   The third,  they begin to Grow.   

it went on and on like this.   Many more things happening,  like a Miner's Lettuce self planted at the Wall Garden.   A BIG  Storksbill at Tazmeena's grave.   There was SO MUCH and the Willingness of all these Plant People to share space.....I just lay down on my stomach in the grasses there smelling the Earth.   Feeling SUN.   Feeling so incredibly Grateful for this life

what if i freelanced photo essays to National Geographic????? And, Our Beth

had a multimillion dollar camera.  Had,  laughing,  the best of the Typepad applications instead of middle of the road....  I would show you this one Leaf in a zillion different poses,  the slant of light,  different times of day,  near a Rock,  amidst twigs,  in a child's hand and on and on.  Just this one Leaf that Emrie and i chanced to find on top of the gravel pile along the Road Up.  It's breezy.  Maybe moments later it wouldn't even have been there...would have blown off into the forest?,  but we were Lucky.  We say that to eachother and together..."We are so Lucky".

 

And Our Beth,  of Still Life Pond.

Beth fell on September 5.  Fractured Vertabrae,  both lower arm bones broken at the wrist.  In a body brace and wrist cast following reconstructive surgery.   There has been subsequent concern that there is compression at the fracture.  A MRI in a couple weeks.   She remains in rehab,  learning how to use a cane and there is little to no internet.  Stranded.  Whatever way you pray or send vibes...all are welcome

 

i'm going crazy

a prayer to let go of unnecessary grief   (unfinished)   $20

 

the news of the world is weighing me down.   Life is So SIMPLE   How can all this be happening??????

I need to make Cloths.  to remain sane,  to comfort myself,  to keep showing myself how things REALLY are,  to tell my story.  I make Cloths too to pay my way.  Kind people buy them.   But lately,  i find self making Cloths i can't bear to sell.  And really,  there's no need to keep making  Cloths to keep.  And i look at this which is a prayer in the form of how i have found i can pray.  Can you sell prayers?,  i wondered?   Is that OK?,  to sell prayers?  Who might buy a prayer?  Would I?  When i was thinking about praying a week or so ago,  would I have jumped at the chance to buy a prayer?   .....and then it went from there:   I saw a skinny old woman who sells prayers...it brought to mind characters from Gabriel Garcia Marquez novels,  100 Years of Solitude for instance.....skinny old woman sitting at a small table at the market place.  Stacks of prayers,  baskets full of small ones.  They are not labeled.   People ruffle through them and finding one that resonates,  hold it up.  Old woman looks..."for the germination of a seed.  2 dollars" she says.   Done deal and the person walks off,  the prayer in the palm of their hand.  They feel hopefull.

If i sold prayers,  I'd have 1/4 of my phone~internet bill  in two days.

 

 

 

the potential is enormous.  And for the hours i did this this morning,  I was able to CARE without aching.  I just prayed.

day one of the slide

the Very Young Vitex is making a Bloom

 

hollyhock and basil.  I can Feel it.  This year...my 70th,  i can Feel the slide,  the movement,  how it is,  the curve,  the turning.  i can Feel it.  Like really Feel it.  It is so WhatItIs,  just WhatItIs,  and round and turning and revolving and turning and round and turning, revolving, and going

 

mending the futon cover...denim.   Mending.   Maybe the first thing i have ever mended with the intention of USE,  as in real use.   Something that needs to hold its self.  There are all kinds of things that can be imagined as Use.  This is the only one i know for sure that is in That World...Use.....to

Hold.

to maintain against accident,   at the cause of inadvertant occurance.  to maintain integrity of Isness

i am trying to remember when i first stitched it....One of Jude's Things....when?  don't know.  but i did it because that was the prevailing energy of the moment and i did it,  but also didn't have so much of a deep connection to it.  Today,  as i mend it,  mend the weak places,  i find connection.  I find love, even. 

 

him and us. second day, second night

a mechanical swing

 

Tay feels the need to be constantly Alert.  Any small sound.  She must check.