windthread

when to quit and how?

this felt good.   but it's only 9

 

onward to 12 and indulged in repeating once...again.   what do i really think about that?

 

then,  late and with the Flash which i don't love,   i  see that it is a good time to pause....see what's happened so far.  What feels good and why.    Will need 7 more for the smallest scenario...for one.   Twice that for two.    I have "traded " them,  Jenny and Alyssia the   7 One   in exchange for   Red Rules.    Want to keep   7.  

someThing, one,  else broke this morning.  i heard it snap and then the shoosh of it falling into whatever was below.   Goats darted from the direction of the Curry House so i walked the Doe Forest.  Could be a couple things since i've last been down there, but  nothing for sure.   Fencing all good.   Tomorrow i'll walk up and over this C area,  heading over toward the downward slide to the Meadow.   Maybe there.   Sound is a trickster.   But they are breaking and falling.   This has been and is a hard season.

where i live on this Earth

where Carefree Way  enters onto Old Olive.

the fringe of Wildland /Urban Interface  2-22-22

i don't say much about it anymore,  but the Ground i live on is Buddhism.   Alyssia and i had been talking long on phone about "the world"  and always,  for me,   John Lewis comes up.   and as always,  in conversations about the world,   it comes up how my generation had hit a critical point of beauty....we had had enough....children of   WWII people,   Viet Nam  and Civil Rights.  We were at the turning point and

we dropped the ball  and walked away.   It's always a long conversation.   a collage of so much.

she called back....late,   did i know?,  that the 7th volume,  the last volume of the series of books  that contains everything the Dalai Lama wants us to know  will become available in May?   i did not.  The last one.   

The Library of Wisdom and Compassion.     a multi volume series by His Holiness the Dalai Lama and Venerable Thubten Chodron .   Vol.  1-6  published.  Vol. 7,  the last,  to be available  May 2022.   She said:   shouldn't this be on the shelves in the home?    I loved her for that.   She would not say she is buddhist,  but she said this.   and yes.   the answer is yes.   and i told her i would begin ordering them one at a time for her shelves.    and ordered the first one.  she said she had already,   so we could begin together,  share the others.      i also pre-ordered that 7th  and final Volume,   Searching for the Self.   You never know.  i was and am still,  surprised and bereft by John Lewis' leave taking.   

 

 

 

a very good Tuesday

this will be a Challenge

 

a very elongated key hole garden.   but all the seedlings are planted.  Either in pots,  grow bags,  OR today,  because i ran out of garden soil,   direct.   I'd been blending  purchased soil with the Goat mix that i'd been digging by the feed shed...Goat shit,  the native dirt  and hay scrap,  urine and rain.   what i dig there has almost completely decomposed into   Soil.    Jenny brought the wrong thing... a Garden Soil Amendment.   I was bummed but ended up playing it by ear and will learn a lot from what happens.  At the far end,  all the containers....they will be moved around.     to the right of them,  i'll cover with more cardboard to make the other side of the long key hole and as i look as i write this,  it will be more like a big question mark.  Which is perfect for this  2021  Effort of B.  There are some seeds yet to plant but for the most part,  i can move back to working  in  the Wall Garden which is Neglected and being reclaimed.   Mourning Dove sang,   CROW,  for the first time stopped,  just up the way and many yellow butterflies.

to Consider:      "...like most white people raised in the US,  i was not taught to see myself in racial terms and certainly not to draw attention to my race or behave as if it mattered in any way.  Of course,  i was made aware that ..italics.....somebody's...  end italics     race mattered,  and if race was discussed,  it would be theirs,  not mine.   Yet a critical component of cross-racial skill building  is the ability to sit with the discomfort of being seen racially,  of having to proceed as if our race matters  (which it does).   Being seen racially is a common trigger of white fragility,  and thus,  to build stamina,  white people must face the first challenge:  naming our race."     Robin Diangelo

 

 

Water

going down to give water to Wall Garden...my eye was drawn to the creek  and though there was a full morning ahead,  i felt the desire to go there...down down the hill.   I looked for the rope that Jenny had tied to a tree and then put grip knots every so often.   It's steep there.  The Goats trails are maybe 4 inches wide?  or maybe as wide as one boot.   with no room for error.  I sat.

 

then noticed to my right,  further along the bank....2 Plants i'd never seen before.   At first i thought the yellow was some of the Spanish Broom  that had jumped the creek but the sense of it from a distance was of a water plant.   it was.  and the rounded mound...has many white bloom clusters.   I'll need to take a length of rope and repeat Jenny's method  over there if i want to get close enough to get a good pic,  or  just get into the creek.    It's not obvious in this pic but the bank drops off straight down into the creek,  about 3 ft.  

and though there was so much to do....today was my first foray into the Other World...the first time in a store in over a year,  i stayed.  Lay back against,  into the bank  sometimes turning to watch the flow then turning away,  closing my eyes and just FEELING the creek,  the movement of sunlight flowing.

When i finally made my way back,   i saw that there was a prompt from Acey...Nichobella...Sparklinglotusink....

6th Chakra    powered by the element of Light and she talked about sunlight on water as a way to absorb light.

 

and continuing:   NPR All Things Considered:  Black Americans React To Chauvin Verdict

 

continuing

Patty's prayer flag.  Tomorrow is her surgery.   If we can be with her.

 

what rose up today.   Not what i would have imagined.

the Thread and a Full MOON

Pushed the laptop across the Morning Table...to the other side where someone else sits.   Like this person would be someone else.   Got the tea ready.

 

 

Double clicked.   Made eye contact and said...."Got a minute?"   And then,  after some time,  i really don't know how long,  i went to Deb Gs...she'd posted it said,  so went and she liked the link to rumblestripvermont.com and i clicked on the link, went again, and this time noticed the thank you at the bottom with note about someone's new podcast and clicked and it all went from there.   Bianca Giaever  podcast called Constellation Prize,  the episode:  Crossing Guard.   The thread was pulsing.   Went down to give water at Wall Garden.  Listened while there.   Back up and the email notice ping,  mail from Fantastic Fungi movie site telling me that on Aug 2 the director of that movie Louie Schwartzberg received the American Visionary Art Museum's highest honor,  the Grand Visionary Award and this somehow led to Merlin Sheldrake

 

young man,  and how many Sheldrakes do i know,  only one and yes,  the son of Rupert who i remember loving for some Essay in the 80's,   but this is his son,  Merlin who has just published a book called Entangled Life.  Blurb says Merlin's " research  ranges from fungal biology to the history of Amazonian ethnobotany,  to the relationship between sound and forms in resonant systems. A keen brewer and fermenter,  he is fascinated by the relationships that arise between humans and more~than~human organisims.  He is a musician and performs on  the piano and accordian. "   He is admiring some fungal being in this pic.  Just look at that face.  and  googled  his father, Rupert to read a little there,  i'd not thought of him in years and years,  why?,  why? did i quit thinking about him and what he wrote?,  and on the page

 

this...LOOK at this Beauty Full face!  and i clicked it for just  minute and there was a round table of men,  the first of their exchange there totally compatable with my whole morning but i decided to just leave that for tomorrow,  if i can find it again.  

I sat and thought what all this felt like.  It was somehow very familiar and then i suddenly realized...it was like being stoned.  The tangential quality of it all,  this turning into that into that into that and being amazed by it all and how it all just went together so Beauty Fully in an Of Course kind of way and i was just smiling,  that kind of stoned smile you got when it felt like you couldn't stop smiling and it started to feel stuck but still,  the feeling of the smiling was so Great but there was also more....

and after awhile i understood it was that it had no Use,  any of it,  to the "reality" of my life now,  that it was uhhhh,  just the joy of being amazed and i realized how i'd been running  such a tight  ship for a while now and how this new life of just being Here, on this Hill is probably going to be for a long time and how i can pretty much keep abreast of important info fairly quickly by checking certain trusted news sources and MOVE ALONG       And i thought about how i'd learned that John Lewis liked to dance and how his staff said he was always joyful.   

I did all the things that needed doing and i even stitched secure 3 edges.   Spent some time with Talkie who was feeling extra friendly after her morning egg.   

I made a second batch of Hummus,  heavy on the tahini and garlic.  and it was  a great day.   All of it.   I think i want ALL of it.  I think i can HAVE all of it.  Why Not?

fullness

it's BEGUN!!!!!    What would the experience of this be....for a Plant Being?   Only in the second year.   Having been devoted to Growing.   and now....the crowning glory....i am so excited

 

and now,  Next has arrived.   I love her butt hairs.   I milked her in N Mex.   she wasn't into it at all,  back then.   But she's a very different Mother this time.  The little ones are going on half her size and still nurse.   i see it happen 3 or 4 times a day.  Her udder is healthy.  teats even.    no wear and tear.   The milk stand has been moved into the Curry House for over a week now.  They will need to be separated.   eee.    The easiest way is to separate them at night.  Probably i'll put her in the Curry House and leave them out.  My guess is that they will lay next to her along the fence of the corridor.  For a few nights there will be crying.  But not for long.   Will milk her first thing in the morning then let her out.   Put her back last thing in eve.  It'll work.  She can wean them as she chooses and i can,  hopefully,  continue to milk.  if it goes well,  it will be about a year.  Cheese.  Slow,  Slow,  we work toward feeding ourselves.  Eggs,  milk/cheese,  vegetables.   Food enough for Life.    The deer have not come to eat the Pear Tree ,  the Plumcot Tree...so far.   They've grown and give fruit.  Just a little so far.    The grape vines which we have not cared for as we should,  have grapes.   The rooster swamp is FULL with blackberries again.   The mullien is medicine as is the Yarrow and Plantain that grows.  Figs.  and maybe pomegranates if the squirrel allows.  We go along.

 

today

 

the phone/camera  stayed  In.  

They came. They forgot  part of what they wanted to do today...left it home,  the wheel for the Gate down there,  so it had to go a different way and it did.   The hitch got put in place on the goat boat for the possible Evacuations.   Old hitch no good.  New hitch,  Ready.   Yes.    

She looks on internet about how to do things.  They worked on a frame that will hold rocks.   Cattle panel cut and clipped into a square.  Fill with rocks.   A pillar.   For the Gate  down there,  at the bottom.  

All the while,   Caroline and the little ones were out...merging.  There was really not any challenging for Caroline at all.   They are done with that.   The  little ones zipped and flew and at one point went off with the Herd somewhere for a while...Caroline stayed here.   I watch all this.  To understand how to go forward.   I take my cue from her.   Those little ones....they are Ready to just become Herd.   it all rests now on Tay.   She has remained on leash.    Soon,   at some point,  must be let off and Fate will prevail.

a heads up

 

this is the large drawer in the kitchen.  2 ft by i guess maybe 15 inches or so give or take.   It was the junk drawer.   Little things.  Very small nails,  small srewdriver combo thing,  plumbers tape,  other tapes,   masking scotch etc.  Hose washers,  stuff we don't know what they are but don't want to throw out,   and on and on.  A few months ago or more,  it fell apart.   The front weighing at least 5 lbs and attached to the flimsey arrangements in first pic.   Why is a question would any one in their right mind create that?,  but...why ask,  too.   It's all apart and i can't figure out how to put it together again.  Its sat on the bed in that back room.  it takes up an enormous space....there, where it actually IS and also in my mind.   So i spent a CHUnK of time today trying to fit it together,  the wood glue ready in case of success,  but not.  Next weekend i'll give it to Jenny's man,  ask him to see if he can find a way and if not,  will just throw it out and live with the gaping hole.   Otherwise,  i worked at trying to Order that back room.  There are 4 gallon pails of paint  that shouldn't sit outside during cold times,   2 50 bags of combo grain and alfalfa pellets,  one 50 lb of just alfalfa pellets,  a 50lb   of dog food,  a 30lb bag of cat food and a 10lb bag of meal worms that only weighs 10 lbs but is huge.     There are BOOKs and then....there is CLOTH.  a lot of CLOTH.  So much CLOTH.   Last Friday it was 90 degrees,  a preview of what it's like in this tin house in Summer.  Today it was 63 and will remain in 60's till friday when it will go back to the 70's.   Now's the time to  get things as orderly as possible back there before the onset of Fire Season.  Getting things orderly means consolidating.  Again,  paring down.  What can go?  

and it rained off an on.  This does NOT happen in May.  It rained off and on.  as it will for the next few days.   I watched and in what seemed to be a sunny break,  leashed up Tay and let Caroline and the little ones out.   This needs to happen Every Day from now on until something resolves.   Tay  and i hang around,  Caroline wanders the little ones WHIZ .  And as also needs to happen,  the Doe s returned and there it continued,  them expressing themselves to Caroline by pushing,  smelling,  head butting and it was her and Celia again...who has never before made an effort to Challenge,  but sure is now....i watched closely who just ignored it all,  who intervened and how they intervened,  the combinations....then it started to rain again.  Back to the drawer.  All the while the Diaries Cloth lie there,  folded so Green Tara was there...watching.  waiting.   I watched her watch and wait.

and i collaged one of the little books that Acey had sent me ...to send in response to a Mother's Day letter that my son's daughter Giana in Colorado,  age 6 ,  had written to me   addressed to Goat Gramma on the envelope....

so the heads up is about all the above.   This blog was created as a place to   keep track of my Cloth Making.  In the beginning,  to keep track of the work i was learning to do from Jude.   Because Cloth is always about Life,  there has always been some of that.  And that's good.   But for a while now,   i have become uncomfortable by the lack of substance.   What i'm feeling is a classic example of the Buddhist Teaching of Dukkha.   You can google it,  it will be worth your while,  but the Wikipedia description is " suffering,  un happiness, pain, unsatisfactoriness,  or painfulness of mundane life.  It is the first of the Four Noble Truths and is one of the three marks of existence.    John Blofeld  described it most commonly as .....dissatisfaction.   

i do not want to blog about this.   have this time and space become this.

so...we'll see.  But it might be time for a sabbatical.   Taking space in an ether that is overflowing with Stuff,   offering up nothing that is really useful to me or anyone else,   offering my opinions and FeltSense of the overarching grief of How ITs ALL Going,  that too...

so i don't know.   I really don't know.

 

 

 

slowly being turned

because of drawing them      and because of eating them every day,    i look more.   and so....i see more.

 

the flowers become seed pods!!!!......duh,  grace.....

 

 

do you see anything different?

 

looking back

 

and back even more

Patty,  Listen to the Road,  roadlistening.blogspot.....her post today.   She re~found  Dark-Mountain.net.    I remembered,  way back in Spirit Cloth days,  Rima Stains  Hedgespoken.   some how Dark-Mountain Project arose then....and i looked,  but couldn't go there.   I wanted a different outcome.   I wanted to walk on the sunny side.   Not wanting to go there,  way back then,  but there is where we are.  We're here/there.    Go look.  I won't say anything here,  right now,  need to go read there a while.  But you might go read there a while too.  

Today was my once a week drive into town...groceries,  post office,  and today the Feed store.   I reviewed what i know.  Hands away from face.   3ft courtesy.  hand sanitizer.    There was a bottle in the bathroom from Alyssia.   She and the kids use it.   I took it with me.   Came home and wash hands with soap through 3 Happy Birthdays.  Ok.  

I stopped first at my local Lakeside Grocery,  down there at the corner.   I buy mushrooms there.   they're always fresh.  ?   I asked Chris,  my favorite cashier who i would now call a friend,   i asked her how she's doing.  Told her that i'd thought about her...how she stands there,  at her work station 8 hrs,  5 days a week,  facing whatever presents.   I told her i wanted to thank her for that.....that it matters to me.   That finding her there has been a touchstone for me since moving here.   We pack all manner of conversation into the few moments it takes to ring my stuff up and if there's no one else in line,  we go on.   Conversations with her in the beginning helped me remember who i was in such a new and different world.    So i told her i appreciated her standing there.   That if something went wrong and she couldn't be there,   that she has my phone number....they enter it for a frequent shopper discount...she memorizes them.  Not just mine,  everybodys.  Got a mind for numbers.....and that she should CALL if she might need anything and i would see to it that either Jenny or Alyssia would get it to her.  She lives in Berry Creek...a ways up the mountains.  She got all misty eyed and said that earlier that morning a customer had gotten all angry and loud because she saw her wipe her  "stuff"  with Lysol Wipes , was extremely offended and told her she was crazy and shouldn't be working there.   We said.....hug hug.    I went off  to the big grocery in town,  to the post office where she still had Frog Stamps,  and on to the feed store.   Sanitizing between stops.   It was business as usual in Oroville California.  LESS business than usual,  but, still.  I read a NYT article about Italy now and the response to the shutdown...this sentence...."they shed their nonchalance and holed up with a mission."

What will Americans do?